Grandparenting 101
The Bennett Family
I had heard there’s nothing like having grandchildren, but my husband and I had no idea all of ours would arrive so close together. Four of our grands, in fact, arrived in an 18-month span. We went from a family of five to a family of 16 in a matter of no time. We had baby shower after baby shower after baby shower. What a blessing it has become.
Even more wonderful for us has been watching these “littles,” as we call them, learn to roll, crawl, walk, and now run together. Literally. They chase each other in a large circle through the rooms in our house. We just laugh as they try to keep up with one another.
Christmas shopping isn’t too difficult with them so close in age. When my husband and I find a gift we like, we buy four, just in different colors. It’s one-click shopping.
The personalities and features of our eight grandkids are similar and yet so different…just like their parents.
It’s been a joy watching our own children become parents and seeing them do what we did and hearing them say what we said when they were little. Our daughter has even said, “I swear, I am becoming you, Mom.”
However, we know that each of our grandchildren has another parent as well. One from a different background, with a different family dynamic, and parents who are different from my husband and me. All of our children married wonderful people, and we feel blessed three times over. However, they are as unique as we are. They come from a family that may do things differently than we did. They respond or say things differently. Their families are in different stages in life than we are. We aren’t right, and they’re wrong. We aren’t wrong and they’re right. We are just different.
What’s not only beautiful about seeing our own children become parents is seeing our three “bonus children” be parents as well. They bring experiences, philosophies, and methods of parenting to their family just as we did when we started. Just as our two sons and daughter are very unique parents, so are their spouses. From our observation has come an overwhelming respect for them as our grandchildren’s parents.
All of this newfound experience has left me with some advice for expectant grandparents:
● Turn over authority – If your grandchild wants or asks for a snack, treat, or to watch a program on television, for example, ask their parent(s) for permission first, if they are available. Respect their authority in front of the children. Don’t use your position against your children.
● Make a connection – The other parent in your grandchild’s life is a key not only to your child but also your grandchild. Realize if that person enjoys your company and feels respected, you will be welcome. If tension, feuding, or disrespect is always an issue on one side or the other, family gatherings will be awkward at best. Enjoy this bonus family member and what they have added to your child’s life and yours. Love them like you love your own children. Want that for your child when they visit the other side of their family.
● Avoid comparisons and competitions – It’s easy to slip into comparisons of who walked first, who wrote their name first, or who throws a ball better. Celebrations are part of life and landmark events are to be celebrated, but be cautious not to recognize one parent while downplaying another or building one grandchild up and tearing another down. Again, parent and grandchild are each unique in talents and abilities.
● Never say “You need to….” – Early in our marriage, my husband and I cringed every time we were told “you need to...” whether it had to do with maintaining our car, our finances, correcting our kids, or housekeeping. As soon as either of us heard “you need to,” we turned off and tuned out the advice. Instead, listen to what your kids or grandkids are saying and wait till asked for advice. No adult wants to feel like a child or that they are incapable of running a family or household.
● Give them a Break – This isn’t what it sounds. Having a night off, or even an hour or two, from kids was wonderful when we were tired and needed a break. We scheduled a “date night” and asked his parents or mine to watch our kids so we could grab a bite, go to a movie, or just schedule a nap. As parents, our adult children soon learned the value of time, to just take a break from their kids. Offering babysitting services so your adult children can refuel is gold to them.
Not all families have their grown children live so close to them as my husband and I do. In fact, I’ve always lived close to family. The one thing I learned when I would visit my own grandparents, even when I was an adult was…when family walks through the door, put everything else aside. Give them your undivided attention. Enjoy their visit and include everyone because family – bigs and littles, adult kids and their children, spouses, and partners – is a gift.
As the King Solomon says in Psalms 127:3, “Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.”
Teri Bennett is a guest blogger for this website
