Entering a New Season of Life: The Empty-Nest Years
When we enter the empty-nest years, we embark on a new season of life. Our children become more independent and desire to make their own decisions. So, how do we adjust to the empty nest? My husband and I consulted more experienced parents who have traveled this path before us to learn practical ways of navigating these transitional years. We hope these tips enlighten you and give you hope.
Our children are now 26 and 22. It seems like yesterday when we adopted them. We were so excited to be parents, and the wait was a journey I'll address in a future article. Now, they are adults.
Our foyer was the landing place for a myriad of shoes belonging to all the swimmers gathering in our basement or our daughter's friends just hanging out. We were flooded with memories of music lessons, dance practices, recitals, swim practices, meets, and more as they left home. Where did the years go?
We were grieving what once was, but now we each entered a new season of life. We no longer speak to our kids daily and realize that God is in control when we are not. How we navigate this season is up to us and affects our relationship with our young adults moving forward.
Doing Life With Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut & the Welcome Mat Out by Jim Burns
During this time, we knew it was important to seek wise counsel from more seasoned parents. In 2020, my husband and I joined an online small church group to study the book, Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out by Jim Burns. We met new people at a time when the world shut down due to Covid 19, and my hubby was recovering from surgery (more on that in a separate post). We needed to stay in community, connect with others, and learn how best to do life with our young adults.
After focusing the past 18+ years of our lives raising our kids, our role changed. We were learning to let go and be a sounding board IF and or WHEN our young adults ask for advice. Trust me, this is easier said than done!
It is vital to keep learning about our emerging adults. How have their priorities and values changed from the ones taught to them? Remember to be open-minded, focus on the big picture, and pick your battles.
When it comes to adulting, walk them through doing laundry, scheduling doctor's appointments, paying bills, etc., before they move out. Discuss expectations for when financial support will stop. Negotiate boundaries such as when car insurance, cell phones, and health insurance premiums or payments cease. The longer we are helicopter parents, following up on their every move, the longer it takes them to learn from their mistakes and to launch into adulthood.
Determine how often you'll call, text, or get together. As your children mature and meet their significant others, learn to connect with them and their families. Mutually decide how to celebrate holidays and other special occasions to avoid hurt feelings.
Our family tries to meet monthly for dinner when possible. We don't have to meet on someone's birthday or a significant holiday. Realize that young adults are busy working, have responsibilities, and must balance spending time with others. The critical thing to remember is that you are all family. Treat your new or future bonus children and their families as you would want to be treated.
As we begin empty nesting, focus on the following when transitioning through this new season of life:
• Teach adulting skills during the teenage years
• Listen and only offer advice WHEN or IF asked
• Be open-minded
• Focus on the big picture
• Pick your battles-don't sweat the "small" stuff
• Discuss expectations
• Negotiate boundaries
• Mutually decide on how to celebrate birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
As Proverbs 22:6 says, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it."
Gaining knowledge of how other, more seasoned parents have managed situations gives us insight into how to handle different situations. Grab your copy of the book today to learn more about living with your young adult.
